So there you have it. All those questions you’ve ever pondered, answered. So you never, ever have to ask them again to any woman with long nails.  And you wanna know if I’ll scratch your back? Maybe. If you scratch mine, as they say.

Since my last. update my nails have grown quite a bit. They now measure at ¾ of a inch. And I am growing impatient! This isn’t nearly long enough for me. The up side is I only have to pay $20 every 2 weeks for a fill instead of the $27 I used to have to pay and will have to pay again when they get longer. I calculated this to have cost me over $3000 for my nails last year! And you wonder why we ladies with nails ask for our fans’ financial support with our nails!  They’re expensive! And hey, you enjoy looking at them, right? Which reminds me, I will soon have a website all about my nails coming soon where you can purchase images and videos. I’m going to need your support, as soon I’ll be paying that $27 every 2 weeks!

Last time I got my nails done, the girl filling in for my usual guy, who was on vacation in Vietnam, said she remembered my nails before I clipped them off and started over, remarking “your nails used to get here before you did!”

My nails are certainly growing but they definitely aren’t long enough! I mean I barely get any annoying comments or stupid questions!  Which gave me the idea for this blog…

Top 10 Stupidest Questions: All You Ever Wanted to Know About Having Long Nails.

How do you function with those nails?

A: The same way anyone else functions. Sometimes better.

How do you wash your hair?

A. Step 1: apply a quarter size dollop of shampoo to the palm of the hand, rub palms together, apply to scalp, lather, rinse.

Do you ever break one? What do you do?

A. Of course they break occasionally, just like anyone else’s nails. Don’t you have fingernails? Geesh! I glue it back on and get it repaired.

How do you pick your nose?

A: I… Ah! You almost got me there! I don’t pick my nose!

Can you type?

A: Am doing it right now. About 40 WPM! Clicky click click click!

How do you scratch your toe?

A: What?? Don’t you think: A) that I can scratch ANYTHING better with these? And B) the longer the nail, the easier it is to REACH my TOE??

You don’t wear contacts, do you?

A: Yes, I do.

Can you wash the dishes?

A: Yes, but I prefer not to.

How do you wipe?

A: That is a rather personal and disgusting question. I mean, what do these people think? I do just fine and that is all you need to know!  Although, I did once have one that was previously broken and glued back on break off  again at an inappropriate moment and fall into the toilet when they were really long. That was a bummer.

Are they real?

A: I find this question extremely rude. But yes. My nails are natural, with acrylic overlays – no tips. If I had tips, they’d be MUCH LONGER. But they’d still be REAL!

So there you have it. All those questions you’ve ever pondered, answered. So you never, ever have to ask them again to any woman with long nails.  And you wanna know if I’ll scratch your back? Maybe. If you scratch mine, as they say.

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